what does it say when you try to help a friend but end up falling for him, what does that say that when that happen you lose all hope and faith and the friendship fall and it is in the past now, i have try to help my friend out and i did honstly did but for some reason we end up falling for achother, he had no place to stay and i end up letting him stay with me for 3 month and i was helping him out with moeny and makeing sure he eat, it just seem like i was just taking care of it, until we had a downfall he was not making any money for 3 week and i couldn't handle that and staying at my house was being a burden on other people so we both decided that he should quit the job he is at because he was notmakeing no money and that he should stay with his mom since they made up now and that was the last time we spoken, 3 month agos, and to understand that and to let go is one things that im going to do because he decided that i wasn;t worth anythings with all the stuff i did for him but i don't wish bad things for him i always wish the best. i learned my mistake and don't planned on letting that happen again to me.

back to the writing again, totally forgot i had this, i been so busy for the past couple month...it been a rough year but i got thur what i had to get thru, i finished school with a gpa of 3.75 so im excited about that i work part time as a medical assistant and i still have my other jobs as a computer tester, life seen to be good for me right now..i haven't found anyone to really let\them in my life at the moment but im ok with\ that..things are as good as it can be..i can believed it is getting close to thankgiving boy it is just going by very fast, can't wait for thankgiving.

it is like a rollar coaster for me right now, i been so occupied with school and work that i haven;t had time for anythings in my life, i ahven't really been worry about anythings, it been a few week since i have not updated anythings and im trying to get all this done it is very tiring, my body is getting weak and stuff, school going greta i love it finally got back into it and it helping me keep busy and not worry about my x, finally things are settling in for me, i doing good just took my 1st pop quiz and my 1st test did good on the pop quix 45 out of 50 not bad the test im not sure yet ahve't got that back yet...i learned form keeping busy it helping me heal my hearst sum ways because im not going thru the bull shit and not letting him get me down anymore and i to think i want to be with him again no, hell no, anyways what come around goes around and i deserve much better but things are getting good for me school is my main pirority right now and nothing more...it going to be a long rough yearsbhut im going to make it and do it, every time i come home im always so tired i go to school from 8 to 5 than work 11 to 7 and than homewokr that crazy but nayways my weekend hmmmmmmmmm not much im going to do sum homework maybe relaxx and sleep cause not getting much sleep and sum sleep, but it all good.....

i should be happy right, i mean i am, i got in to that school and im very excited can't wait to start, i was nervous and afraid i was not going to get in but i did, im happy about the school things, i start october 24 so that fast but at lease im finally getting where i need to get, i satrting school and changeing things now doing what is best for me...my mom saw this job place that me and her is going to go apply at, and im hoping that i can get this jobs cause that mean i could leave my job that i ahve and get aways from my ex because i know when i leave that place it would be better for me...i don't regret what i did, i don't regret anythings because i know i did him right but he did me wrong and i don't care anymore to the point that im running my life now, im not going to let him put me down anymore, i found out that during the time he was with me, he was also messing around with sum gurl when he was with me and that hurt and the sad parts is i think she pergnant 4 month, that hurt sumwut, but it over with and done with, i also saw him give a sign that he use to give to me with his hand , the love sign that he gave to me and is now giving to the other gurl he playing with, he aplayer and will always be a player, i hope he get what he want because i don't wnat it, i don't need him, he an ass hole and i hope he get what he deserve one day, i want him to feel my pain one day and he will, what come around goes around and it will, if he didn't care about me oh well, but now i got in school, im going to focus on that, he was not worth it to me anymore..i ahve no weekend this weekend that sux for me, i ahve to work over time 7 day omg i going to be so tired but the check will be good, but not looking forward to it but it get things pay,peopelat work or so stupid, whenb they are being lazy they don't wnat work and get mad at me and saying that im not working because they don't wnat to do shit, their stupid, sumtime i just wnat to scream but i won't i just stay quiet..im sitting here watching click, so i going to go finshed that, i am hopeing when school come and i satrt things will change for me, i don't need to be hurt naymore and i plan not to, i plan on being happy again and things will change i going change and do what i can to make things better for me...

i stop talking to eder my x, and it actually feel good, i mean i dont regret my decision but there sumtime i do miss him and i get the urge to go and talk to him or call him but i don't, i fight it, i try to stay strong,i lost his friendship and i lost his love but that was not the choice i made, but my love will always be with him, but why do i want him, he had hurt me so many time that he don't deserve anything back, especally me, he make me mad sumtime but you know what im not going to let it get me down, because i am better than that...i still ahven't forgiving him and maybe that is why im haveing a hard time letting go or maybe it just all the past i had with him, i dunno, but what i ahve with him have been lost because of his choice and mine, my choice was to saty aways and end all ties and i don;t regret that decision amnd his choice was to play soccer na dhave no commitment with me at all, and im fine with that becasue that his choice and i not going to fight it, but seeing him everyday at work is so hard on me, it hurt to see him and knowing that he is messing around with sum other gurl for fun..i need another job, i need to get out there when i do i think, it will be better if i move on and start fresh aways from him, he made me think differnt things now about him, he not the person i though he was,i try and i try to make things right but he don't wnat anything to do with me, even when we are nto together he always find aways just to hurt me, why would you do thta, it so stupid, but he always does, i do miss him but i guess it just one of those feeling i get knowing that he not around anymore but at lease now i know how he is and waht he is,i doing good, i ahven't talk to him for almost two week so i am very proud of myself, im going to keep fighting and not give up or any urges...work was good, it was long though, but at lease we made our goals at work, im just about beat right now...i ahve a meeting at southwest doctor school tommorrow im excited maybe that the plan for me to get in to school, i dunno, i am so nervous i really want to get in there and start and graduated....time have is way to come and make thinsg better, eventually things will all come together for me and i hope it does.

My weekend was as peaceful as can be and i love it because i was not all sad about what have been going on, about my x, school and everythings that has been going wrong, im fighting and im getting thru it and feeling much better than i can imagin, i look things on the bright side, things happen for a reason but that reason is unknow, im a good person and i deserve to be love in a ways i should be i should not be deserving to be treating like any way that i don't want to, i always think im a good person and i could take care of myself,i never needed him, i can take care of myself, if he can't see that oh well, it is ahrds for me to trust people but i learned from my experience because most guys who ask me out, i am very care ful on what i say yes or no because most of them who ask me out all they want is a botty call and i not going to get into that, im a good person and deserve beter, let see saturday, i went to this festival for the laos community it was fun, i saw sum people that i haven't seen for such a long time, it was actually nice to get out, i was glad i went, there was a pagent, everyone like why were you not in it, i just told them im not into it but they say you should just once nbext time we have it i told them i think about it, the pagent was good, the food was good i had fun, and while i was there i prayed and everythings and the monk bless me and everything it made me feel better when they did that, im belived in my culture when they do that it my belief the same way i believd in god but there sumthing i believd that they don;y do right but i still try to follow it a smuch as i can, i was raised to belief in faith and peace and harmony and i paln to take that forward in my life, not take anything for chance things happen and we get over it as long as you have belief things will work out for the best...there was things where we sailed like a paper boats and lit it and prayed than make a wish and let it go so i made a wish i dunno if it work but well see...if it doesn't i know that things will eventually get better for me one days, it just the time that will show..im doing good, im being strong and fighting....that was saturday, not much sunday, just clean and did sum errand cause i ahve to work sunday night it bite, my lil cousin spent over at my house, and my whole upsatair is messing and i spent cleaning it, he even drew on my wall can you believe that but he cute thoughts, it all good, hopefully next time he come over he won't write on my wall...

take pride what u have
don't let anyone bring you down
power is what you can give
but love you can give more
if they can't see that
than they were not worth the time to deal with
if they don't know how special you are
than they are not worth the time

friday finally here, i am so tired, i ahven't slept since i came home in the morning, i couldn't sleep, so pertty much i was up for hour and hours, since i was up i went to do sum stuff with my sister and spent almost 200 doller on this dam little gurl cause saturday is her homecoming and she was borke, we went to get her nail down and toes and her eye borw and she got a very nice dress, and of course she got sum more stuff for more homecoming things geeze what a day, but than i also got my nail and toe and eyebrow done, i think i needed and glad i wnet to get sum papmpering, it was chill, we got home about 5 pm and i crash out all the sudden i would have still been a sleep if my dumb ass siter didn't call to wait me up for what reason, no reason at all, i woke up i see my lil cousin downsatir, i didn't know he was sleeping over, it funny, i dunno lately he been wanting to come over and spent the night with us and stuff so it cool, right now he sitting on the floor drawing, knowing him he has all amrker every where...

i am doing my best to take charge of my life, when everythings in the world seem to fall apart in one close motion. this week was a good week not too bad, work was ok not as bad as i thought, i was feeling calm and peace ful, i mean my x pist me of becuase kowing him, he just want to, he does thing on purpose so i say sumthing to him, like to days,i think he mess up my boards on purpose so i yell at him and we get in an argument, but i didn;t, it was not worth the yelling, i just said pay attention to what your doing and that all i said, he know that i been egtting ask out alots now that he seem people at work asking me out and he know it, i think he saw me giving my number to sum guys who ask to hang out with me and i think that pist him of more,what is to say why u gonna get mad, im free to do what i want, it like if he can;t have me he dont want anyone to ahve me, just want me to be sad, that not going to happen, im moving on with or without him, i don't deserve someone like him and he don';t deserve me, it ture things will always come back to haunt you, what goes around come around and i believe that, i know my right guys is out there it just not him,, trying to get that thru my head...he a jerk and ass and i keeping reminding myself why he not worth my time, and it work it help me get thru the days and actually feel good that im not with him...he chose what he want and that soccer and wasn;t me, can;t make time for me so why do i bother and i shouldn't bother with all the things he done to me i keep telling myself what he did and how he is..and all the mistake he make, and all the time i forgive it isn;t going to happen when eveventually one day he realize what he does, and him beening immature cause he just wnat me to be mad or say sumthing, why whoese know but it not going to work i haven't said anything to him for a whole week or said hi or call him or work related and that it, but not often it was yesterday it was work related cause his line was down so he had to work on my line...i refuese to let someone like him get me down, i refuse for that to happen im taking control and turst me i am

losing a friend is one things
losing a love one is one things
but losing both things is a loss
but if that person doesn;t care
than you shouldn't care either
loss is what happen
it is intended for it to be that ways
seaprating ur feeling for it purpose
let go someone and never look back
don't look back cause if u look back
you will get hurt more
when someone see somthing more important
it time to say good bye
don't look back for no reason
goodbye to everythings we have
the past is the past
don't look back
if he didn't care that he never did
but to give up eveyrthing for one things
and letting go one things
well so be it
it the choice that a person made and he must live with it
goodbye and odn't look back
don't take another course of action to be taken likely
if he realize what he did
it made be too late
but i would never ever let it be like this again
goodbye till the end
if he come back it emant to be
but if not so be it cause i don't deserve this
if u can't make time to call me out of the 24 hours in a day
than there nothinsg worth talking about

i guess sumtime i think that things are falling apart for me, but it isn't, it just im going thru sum hard time, my hearts hurt so much that sumtime it just feel like the end of the world but it isn't, i guess for sum reason im holding on is he know me better than anyone else, he know how i am, i been there for him and he was there form the day i move here and i guess he was the first person to come in my life to help me thru my crisis but it like i letting go but i must because he never care and that what i think now that he never did, sometime it is hard to say if he did or not from his action...one things that bother me is he telling me he respect me but he isn't showing me respect he just doing thing to irritated me why would you do that, and knowing how he goes he probadly isn;t going pay back the money he owe me, he went thru thick and thin for him and i get nothings out of it, the moeny isn't important, it just when you see him everyday it so hards when we have to work together and everythings, and it like we both know that things have change because he did it and we can;t overcome it if u can't even respect me like tyou say but u do this, what am i suppose to believd, i just don;t want to let go but ow letting go is my way of saying goodbye cause i don't need this...i done what i can to show but if doesn;t see that he doesn;t and plus than i look down the long run it wouldn't work anyways becasue his family wouldn't approve anyway and he always agree with than and might as well let this go down in falme, talking to him is out of tthe question right now...